Lethbridge 10 000 Small Scale Art Award

| 08 June, 2014 20:46

Three of my drawings will be on exhibit as part of the Lethbridge 10 000 Small Scale Art Award exhibition. Yey! :)
Exhibition dates: 14 June 2014 - 29 June 2014 at the Lethbridge Gallery in Brisbane.
All artworks are available for sale now.




Updated Artist Statement.

| 24 March, 2014 05:19




The Agony and the Ecstasy


I am an ethnic Hungarian (a Slovak and Canadian citizen) now living in Australia. 

I was born in the former Czechoslovakia (now Slovakia). From there, I moved with my family to Canada when I was 15. From there, I moved to Hungary (by myself) when I was 20. From there, I moved here -- to Australia -- when I was 31. 

When I was 14 years old, I read Michelangelo's biography (The Agony and the Ecstasy) and I fell deeply and madly in love with him... So much so that he inspired me to start drawing "for real". I mean, I'd always loved drawing and I did lots and lots of drawing as a child (as children do), but it was only after reading this book that I decided to try my hand at "real" drawing. So I took a crappy pencil and some crappy paper I found at home and I set out to draw Adam from Michelangelo's "The Creation of Adam". I was pretty happy with the result. And from then on, there was no stopping me. I fell deeply and madly in love with drawing. Nothing else compared to it. It was the equivalent of perfect happiness and bliss. Until...

Until I graduated from high school and moved to Hungary. There, I applied to the Hungarian University of Fine Arts but was rejected. I applied again in a different year and was rejected again. These were major setbacks of course... But I still did my best to keep my passion well and alive while studying Hungarian and English language and literature at ELTE University (often skipping an entire day of lectures and seminars just to be able to draw and paint at home). 

And then came the year 2007....... I started experiencing awful, intractable, debilitating low back pain. And now, almost 7 years later (after having visited hundreds of doctors and healers, trying hundreds of treatments and therapies, taking countless painkillers and spending thousands and thousands of dollars) the pain is still here and is still debilitating. It has made me lose touch with my passion almost completely (which, in turn -- and understandably so -- made me very depressed). Before 2007, before all this pain started, I spent nearly all my free time drawing. Now, since I am in pain most of the time, I am hardly ever able to sit down and draw. 

But still... Here I am. I could go on and on (and on) about how much art means to me, how important it is to me, and how my whole life would be meaningless without it. But to keep it short: I just don't want to throw up my arms and give up. I've suffered too much, and I spent way too many years NOT doing what I love the most in this world... Now I think it's time to fight back. I'd like to find my way back to my life's passion. I'd like to seize every pain-free minute I get and use it to create drawings. 

I'm hoping I will have the strength to keep going...

Q&A with myself.

| 05 July, 2013 09:59



(I needed someone to ask me some really important questions and there was no one else around to interview me.)

(Source: my Facebook page)



Q: Let’s just skip the small talk. Why haven’t you drawn a single thing in exactly 8 months?

A: Because my back hurts like a b*tch. It’s been hurting for 6.5 years now but it’s gotten worse lately. Drawing, for me, requires sitting down for long periods of time and in my present state I cannot sit down for long periods of time because it hurts way too much. I’ve tried drawing standing up but it doesn’t work. I can’t do it lying down either.



Q: Are you unhappy?

A: What the hell do you think? Extremely.



Q: So. What are you going to do about it?

A: Not entirely sure yet. Perhaps change my drawing technique. Maybe switch to a technique that can be done lying down… or in a very short time. (I can take sitting down for short periods of time.) This would of course mean switching to an entirely different drawing technique and abandoning my old technique altogether. Or perhaps I will write a book.



Q: Huh?

A: …Because I don’t want to be a whiny little pest who spent more than 6 years of her life bitching and feeling sorry for herself. I’d much rather be someone who at least aspired to do something /at least mildly/ meaningful, even when all odds were against her. I’d love to find some kind of a silver lining in all this g**damn pain and suffering. And writing is a lot easier to do than drawing when you’re in this much pain. You can do it in any old position. You just need a laptop.



Q: What would the book be about?

A: Please stop asking me about the book. For the time being it’s top secret, so please treat it accordingly.



Q: OK. Um, let’s see. Do you enjoy interviewing yourself, and if so, why?

A: Yes I do. I think it’s because there are so many things inside me that I’d love to share. And I haven’t had anywhere near enough questions being asked of me throughout my life. I adore questions and questionnaires. Always have. I get wildly excited when I’m asked questions. Not lame ones though, of course.



Q: …

A: What?



Q: Well, you got me all self-conscious now. Worried that my next question is going to be a lame one.

A: Relax. Go on.



Q: OK. What’s the situation with your back right now?

A: I had some more imaging tests done in the past few weeks and now it looks like I finally have a real DIAGNOSIS(!!!) for my awful chronic pain. It is “right sacroiliac joint incompetence.” Along with “mild to moderate” arthritis, moderate facet joint disease, adductor and hamstring enthesopathy and hip impingement. Pretty complex, huh? Yeah. I’m going back to my doctor on July 4th to discuss treatment options. Fingers crossed.



Q: Do you have a message for all your, erm, “fans”?

A: Yes. It is this: I am VERY sorry I haven’t drawn a single g*ddamn thing in 8 months. I am very sorry this page has been completely dead for the longest time. I’m sorry. And as if all this chronic-PAIN-relentless-physical-agony crap weren’t enough, I have other personal crap to work through as well. Like, the fact that I have extremely low self-esteem as an “artist”. Not even sure if I can call myself that. Because I never went to art school and I have no relevant qualifications. So there. That’s my little confession.



Q: Well, thank you very much for your time, Mesh!

A: Anytime. You know I’m right here. And now here’s one of my all-time favourite songs to make us all feel better (especially me): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELdkzsN_oco




I'm sorry